Scroll of Jawns

Episode 2

jawn /jôn/ noun - (chiefly in the greater Philadelphia metropolitan area) used to refer to a thing, place, person, or event that one need not or cannot give a specific name to. Jawn is a neutral, all-purpose noun used to reference any person, place, situation, or object. In casual conversation, it takes the place of the word ‘thing’.

Example: "These jawns are very inexpensive."

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jawn one.

A couple days ago, Blake, my oldest kid who was born 15 years ago with the name Violet, fell asleep on the bed between me and Arle. This never happens. Blake is pretty private and digs their space, which isn’t easy to do in a house with seven people and two dogs and at least one ghost all jammed up in it. But we’d gone to a Night Pop-Up Market where Arle was set up selling her art and the evening had been sweltering and I could see Blake’s eyes drooping at times while they sat there in the camping chair, leaned up against Arle’s van, eating cheesesteak egg rolls as the gloaming rolled in and the lightning bugs began to show off. By the time we made it home, I’d made a deal with my firstborn to grab us some M&M’s (their current favorite is Peanut Butter/ mine is just plain) at the gas station and lay on my bed in the AC with them to watch some vintage M&M’s TV commercials on YouTube. Which must have led to them drifting off at some point. Under the covers: like they ain’t getting up again til morning. Arle smiled at them and me so I knew we were on the same wavelength: let the kid sleep. For me, this was magic, you see, because Blake, who is on the Autistic Spectrum, doesn’t really roll like that. For them to have been able to adjust their routine, even unconsciously, to a plane of existence where they lay sleeping beside their dad was just remarkable. I felt certain they would awake at any moment and hustle off to their room, but it never happened. I sipped some wine and watched their sleepy face and I saw myself in them/ my features/ my past/ my thrills and my pain/ and it was more immense than any balancing act I think I’ve ever managed. I slept so solid that night, man. I slept like I was a baby. Like I was happy and alright and so fucking free from all that worrying that brings you down.