America is false to the past, false to the present, and solemnly binds herself to be false to the future. -Frederick Douglass George Floyd, face on the street, the cop’s knee on his neck, he was dying. But did he know? Laying there in the middle of the day. Laying out there in the afternoon. Trying to live, I guess. Who wouldn’t? Who wouldn’t try to live at a time like that. Trying to live, man, when everything has collapsed in on itself/ as the greasy dumpster alleys and the swift smart pigeons and the passing people with their lit cigarettes and their stop-n-stare/ iPhones out/ iPhones up/ and their hearts beating faster than they have ever beat before/ all of them watching you trying to live.
Nov 4, 2022·edited Nov 4, 2022Liked by Serge Bielanko
LOVE THIS. Every. Single. Word. I am not too far from the paycheck to paycheck thing myself - only by the grace of my dad's hard work do I have anything in the bank. I spent my life working in jobs that (mostly) made me happy and barely paid the bills. I did this bc "follow your dreams" and all that. And now the MF are trying to TAKE AWAY SOCIAL SECURITY & MEDICARE. That every single working person paid into. That is MY DAMN $. It takes courage to get up, get out of bed, put a pleasant look on your face, go to work and get along with people you only see because they work at the same place you do and so you have to get along with them, but you don't really know what they're about, do you? I downloaded a relational organizing tool last night - you go through your contacts list and it lets you send a text to folks to remind them to vote. It goes through public voter files and tells you who's registered and how they registered. It's a rude F-ing awakening when you see that big red R next to someone's name, man. I slept a troubled sleep last night. JFC, we are in so much trouble. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone.
Jesus, man, I have no words here. You nail it here. ‘Murica, infuckingdeed. How did we get here? Or have we always been here and only as we get older/wiser/more educated/more alert do we realize this? “The ignorant proud”. My coworkers. My neighbors. Former acquaintances. Former because, fuck you, no thanks. Long Island red. “Trump 2024” flags flying off pickup trucks. Confederate flags flying off houses here in suburban Long Island. Not a ton, but isn’t one more than enough? And isn’t it fucked how flying even a simple American flag has become a dog whistle unto itself? And yet…
Sad essay today, my friend. But spot on. You’re not alone. And thank you for putting into words what I think many of us out here feel along with you.
I appreciate your insights, Tom. I know this is all unbelievably scary. I'm glad to feel solidarity, even if we're all miles and miles away from one another.
Take another little piece of my heart, why dontcha? Gut wrenching truths here. The myth of America haunts me daily. As a nation we are so far from who we believe ourselves to be. Ironically, I read this after I voted today. Voted early because I’m so panicked about my vote and my voice and where we are heading as a country, down that terrible road you so aptly described. Women’s rights, civil rights, Social Security, Medicare, drug costs, climate change; I voted for them all today because I am so afraid of what kind of America we could be living in without those things. We are a hate-filled and angry people, but we have been from the beginning. We bury the ugly for awhile, it seems, but it always comes to the surface. I don’t know how we’ll ever get past the sins of our past. A little more than a decade ago, friends moved to rural VA from suburban NJ. At her new school, their 11 year old daughter was taught that the war between the states was the War of Northern Aggression. If we can’t, as a nation, admit to past sins like slavery and genocide against native people, how will we ever heal? We need to keep speaking up and speaking out as you did. We need to have the hard conversations. We can’t forget the George Floyds, so thank you for this essay. It hit home.
This was glorious. And much needed. I have to write something today, and now my head is filled with this and I know what I want to say but I don't know how to say it anymore. Because thinking on all this makes me unbearably sad. I feel like a dart board in a dive bar. I feel like I'm on one of these vicious Pennsylvania roundabouts off route 81 and I have no idea where I'm supposed to turn so I just go around in circles forever. I guess there's just a meanness in this world. Somebody we know well said that. Or sang it. In a dead-eyed voice while sitting on the edge of his bed. And it's as good an explanation as any I guess...
Thanks, my friend. I hear you on the sadness/ despair. But I'm starting to suppose that that is an intrinsic, if kind of cruel, part of all this American legacy stuff. Someone has to live through the most frightening times in order to- hopefully- be able to know their kids will have it somewhat better. I don't know if that will be us. But I hope that's what's going down.
Hey, I'm behind schedule on my reading and just getting caught up. Man this was a good one. Had to read it twice. You have a deep heart Serge. Never stop feeling it.
LOVE THIS. Every. Single. Word. I am not too far from the paycheck to paycheck thing myself - only by the grace of my dad's hard work do I have anything in the bank. I spent my life working in jobs that (mostly) made me happy and barely paid the bills. I did this bc "follow your dreams" and all that. And now the MF are trying to TAKE AWAY SOCIAL SECURITY & MEDICARE. That every single working person paid into. That is MY DAMN $. It takes courage to get up, get out of bed, put a pleasant look on your face, go to work and get along with people you only see because they work at the same place you do and so you have to get along with them, but you don't really know what they're about, do you? I downloaded a relational organizing tool last night - you go through your contacts list and it lets you send a text to folks to remind them to vote. It goes through public voter files and tells you who's registered and how they registered. It's a rude F-ing awakening when you see that big red R next to someone's name, man. I slept a troubled sleep last night. JFC, we are in so much trouble. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone.
Thank you so much for sharing, Lisa. Keep fighting the good fight. Please.
Jesus, man, I have no words here. You nail it here. ‘Murica, infuckingdeed. How did we get here? Or have we always been here and only as we get older/wiser/more educated/more alert do we realize this? “The ignorant proud”. My coworkers. My neighbors. Former acquaintances. Former because, fuck you, no thanks. Long Island red. “Trump 2024” flags flying off pickup trucks. Confederate flags flying off houses here in suburban Long Island. Not a ton, but isn’t one more than enough? And isn’t it fucked how flying even a simple American flag has become a dog whistle unto itself? And yet…
Sad essay today, my friend. But spot on. You’re not alone. And thank you for putting into words what I think many of us out here feel along with you.
I appreciate your insights, Tom. I know this is all unbelievably scary. I'm glad to feel solidarity, even if we're all miles and miles away from one another.
Take another little piece of my heart, why dontcha? Gut wrenching truths here. The myth of America haunts me daily. As a nation we are so far from who we believe ourselves to be. Ironically, I read this after I voted today. Voted early because I’m so panicked about my vote and my voice and where we are heading as a country, down that terrible road you so aptly described. Women’s rights, civil rights, Social Security, Medicare, drug costs, climate change; I voted for them all today because I am so afraid of what kind of America we could be living in without those things. We are a hate-filled and angry people, but we have been from the beginning. We bury the ugly for awhile, it seems, but it always comes to the surface. I don’t know how we’ll ever get past the sins of our past. A little more than a decade ago, friends moved to rural VA from suburban NJ. At her new school, their 11 year old daughter was taught that the war between the states was the War of Northern Aggression. If we can’t, as a nation, admit to past sins like slavery and genocide against native people, how will we ever heal? We need to keep speaking up and speaking out as you did. We need to have the hard conversations. We can’t forget the George Floyds, so thank you for this essay. It hit home.
Brilliant Serge. Brilliant.
Thanks so much, my friend. I really appreciate you saying that. Miss you, Fletcher.
Thank you, Taryn. I'm with you all the way.
This was glorious. And much needed. I have to write something today, and now my head is filled with this and I know what I want to say but I don't know how to say it anymore. Because thinking on all this makes me unbearably sad. I feel like a dart board in a dive bar. I feel like I'm on one of these vicious Pennsylvania roundabouts off route 81 and I have no idea where I'm supposed to turn so I just go around in circles forever. I guess there's just a meanness in this world. Somebody we know well said that. Or sang it. In a dead-eyed voice while sitting on the edge of his bed. And it's as good an explanation as any I guess...
Thanks, my friend. I hear you on the sadness/ despair. But I'm starting to suppose that that is an intrinsic, if kind of cruel, part of all this American legacy stuff. Someone has to live through the most frightening times in order to- hopefully- be able to know their kids will have it somewhat better. I don't know if that will be us. But I hope that's what's going down.
Hey, I'm behind schedule on my reading and just getting caught up. Man this was a good one. Had to read it twice. You have a deep heart Serge. Never stop feeling it.