Something happened. Something hard. Something painful. I knew it when you posted last week about your regrets; your dedication to never steeping foot on a stage again (at least that’s how it read to me). I’m sorry. Whatever it was that happened, I’m sorry, man. Your pain was palpable. I could feel it burning in your words, literally, radiating off my iPhone. And now today. Yeah. Something happened. And I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope your writing about it serves as a therapeutic purge of sorts. Sometimes bad shit loses some of its sting when we speak it aloud. When we write it out and send it out into the world. I’m hoping that for you, brother.
"And so it goes and so it went. People break themselves open in the name of love but sometimes that’s not enough. Sometimes the adages and platitudes lose their meaning. The passing days bring ugly moments, scarred memories. Starlings congregate in the trees along the park, singing loudly, flicking their heads this way and then that way, and all the while you are texting back and forth with your flesh and blood/ arguing your point/ trying so hard to explain your pain even when you don’t have the words. Not even one of the words. Because, as it turns out, they don’t make words for that level of hurt. " Powerful words. Keep writing.
There’s a lot of pain in this one, but it feels like a journeying through it. As hokey as it sounds, I kept hearing The Beatles song “Blackbird” in my head. “Take these broken wings and learn to fly.”
I felt this so hard. Thank you for being vulnerable, for sharing with us. We need it, we crave it, it's why artists are so good at getting to the heart of the matter. You are an artist. I'm grateful to have found your work.
I don't envy what you're going through, as you seem to be in a very, very dark place and it concerns me, not only in regards to your welfare, but for your children. I can't help but place on my psychologist hat and hand you a little unsolicited advice.
A clinical diagnosis of NPD is extremely rare and if your ex, does, indeed, have NPD, you should run to the liquor store and buy a lotto ticket.
It's that rare.
Your anguish and pain are palpable through this internet and I'm so sorry you're suffering. I do hope you're seeking treatment. I can't help but caution you about putting these issues out in a public arena, where the public can see it, including the courts, and your children. Your children love you and they love their mother. It's your job to protect them from harm, and that includes difficult feelings, anger and animosity towards their mother. This kind of knowledge can mess them up in ways that never heal and it can damage your relationship with them.
Over the counter diagnosing and seeking out information without training only serves as an echo chamber and causes massive confirmation bias. This keeps you stuck in a cycle and without healing. Also? If by the very rare chance you are dealing with someone who has NPD, they more than likely know you're posting about them, and they're getting off on it. Anger is necessary for healing, and a natural part of a break up in which you feel wronged. You need to deal with it and express it, but a public internet forum probably isn't the right place, and? if you spend all your time telling anyone who’ll listen that your ex was a narcissist, eventually it’ll have the opposite effect to the one you were hoping for and people will start to question your own role in what went wrong.
I hope you find someone whom you can work through this anger with and move on. I wish you nothing but health and happiness, as well as a loving and trusting relationship with your children. Protect them from this anger and this war with their mother. In the end, it doesn't matter which parent "wins" the win is in raising healthy and happy kids who know they are 100% loved.
Hey Cheyanne. I thank you for your well-wishes. That is very much appreciated. Of course though, as expected, I disagree with pretty much everything you have written here. Which is my right, obviously, as much as you have the well-worn right to comment. Thunder Pie is my life story/ sometimes in retrospect/ sometimes in real time.
I'm not worried at all about 'internet forums' or how that kind of thing is perceived because I don't have a single thing to hide. Or lie about. As far as my work goes: I'm a purveyor of absolute truths according to me.
My truths. My world. My pain. My struggles. My words. My hopes. My honesty. My love.
Our kids.
As a victim of a very very severe form of mental abuse, I stand up not only for my own path forward, but for the paths forward of the millions and millions of women and men who have experienced the same sort of abuse. As well as for my children, who will one day have a legacy of writings from their Dad to mull over across their days.
At times, your message almost sounds familiar/ like: veiled threatish. It makes me wonder who you are. Instantly I recognize that sort of wordplay which hints at looming punishments and downfalls. Why? Because I have experienced it hundreds and hundreds of times from the same exact person (or a minion of the person). Even recently I have been threatened with the idea of having my time with my kids threatened. But I stand up to all that by simply writing my story and loving my kids. There is no need for me to give up one for the other. Rather, each in tandem makes me a stronger man and a more humane human and a better parent by slowly/ but surely/ exorcising the shadows that once threatened to destroy me.
In closing here, I wonder what advice you have given to your fellow women who speak up about their own abuses? Do you tell them they will hardly ever be believed? Do you insinuate to them that standing up and telling their story will almost certainly backfire on them and ruin their lives?
Somehow...I doubt it.
Anyways, thanks for the opportunity to clear things up.
Something happened. Something hard. Something painful. I knew it when you posted last week about your regrets; your dedication to never steeping foot on a stage again (at least that’s how it read to me). I’m sorry. Whatever it was that happened, I’m sorry, man. Your pain was palpable. I could feel it burning in your words, literally, radiating off my iPhone. And now today. Yeah. Something happened. And I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope your writing about it serves as a therapeutic purge of sorts. Sometimes bad shit loses some of its sting when we speak it aloud. When we write it out and send it out into the world. I’m hoping that for you, brother.
"And so it goes and so it went. People break themselves open in the name of love but sometimes that’s not enough. Sometimes the adages and platitudes lose their meaning. The passing days bring ugly moments, scarred memories. Starlings congregate in the trees along the park, singing loudly, flicking their heads this way and then that way, and all the while you are texting back and forth with your flesh and blood/ arguing your point/ trying so hard to explain your pain even when you don’t have the words. Not even one of the words. Because, as it turns out, they don’t make words for that level of hurt. " Powerful words. Keep writing.
There’s a lot of pain in this one, but it feels like a journeying through it. As hokey as it sounds, I kept hearing The Beatles song “Blackbird” in my head. “Take these broken wings and learn to fly.”
I felt this so hard. Thank you for being vulnerable, for sharing with us. We need it, we crave it, it's why artists are so good at getting to the heart of the matter. You are an artist. I'm grateful to have found your work.
I've met The Rock and I'm 100% certain that he would love you.
I get it - all of this. Sending a gentle hug.
I don't envy what you're going through, as you seem to be in a very, very dark place and it concerns me, not only in regards to your welfare, but for your children. I can't help but place on my psychologist hat and hand you a little unsolicited advice.
A clinical diagnosis of NPD is extremely rare and if your ex, does, indeed, have NPD, you should run to the liquor store and buy a lotto ticket.
It's that rare.
Your anguish and pain are palpable through this internet and I'm so sorry you're suffering. I do hope you're seeking treatment. I can't help but caution you about putting these issues out in a public arena, where the public can see it, including the courts, and your children. Your children love you and they love their mother. It's your job to protect them from harm, and that includes difficult feelings, anger and animosity towards their mother. This kind of knowledge can mess them up in ways that never heal and it can damage your relationship with them.
Over the counter diagnosing and seeking out information without training only serves as an echo chamber and causes massive confirmation bias. This keeps you stuck in a cycle and without healing. Also? If by the very rare chance you are dealing with someone who has NPD, they more than likely know you're posting about them, and they're getting off on it. Anger is necessary for healing, and a natural part of a break up in which you feel wronged. You need to deal with it and express it, but a public internet forum probably isn't the right place, and? if you spend all your time telling anyone who’ll listen that your ex was a narcissist, eventually it’ll have the opposite effect to the one you were hoping for and people will start to question your own role in what went wrong.
I hope you find someone whom you can work through this anger with and move on. I wish you nothing but health and happiness, as well as a loving and trusting relationship with your children. Protect them from this anger and this war with their mother. In the end, it doesn't matter which parent "wins" the win is in raising healthy and happy kids who know they are 100% loved.
Sending you all a lot of love.
Hey Cheyanne. I thank you for your well-wishes. That is very much appreciated. Of course though, as expected, I disagree with pretty much everything you have written here. Which is my right, obviously, as much as you have the well-worn right to comment. Thunder Pie is my life story/ sometimes in retrospect/ sometimes in real time.
I'm not worried at all about 'internet forums' or how that kind of thing is perceived because I don't have a single thing to hide. Or lie about. As far as my work goes: I'm a purveyor of absolute truths according to me.
My truths. My world. My pain. My struggles. My words. My hopes. My honesty. My love.
Our kids.
As a victim of a very very severe form of mental abuse, I stand up not only for my own path forward, but for the paths forward of the millions and millions of women and men who have experienced the same sort of abuse. As well as for my children, who will one day have a legacy of writings from their Dad to mull over across their days.
At times, your message almost sounds familiar/ like: veiled threatish. It makes me wonder who you are. Instantly I recognize that sort of wordplay which hints at looming punishments and downfalls. Why? Because I have experienced it hundreds and hundreds of times from the same exact person (or a minion of the person). Even recently I have been threatened with the idea of having my time with my kids threatened. But I stand up to all that by simply writing my story and loving my kids. There is no need for me to give up one for the other. Rather, each in tandem makes me a stronger man and a more humane human and a better parent by slowly/ but surely/ exorcising the shadows that once threatened to destroy me.
In closing here, I wonder what advice you have given to your fellow women who speak up about their own abuses? Do you tell them they will hardly ever be believed? Do you insinuate to them that standing up and telling their story will almost certainly backfire on them and ruin their lives?
Somehow...I doubt it.
Anyways, thanks for the opportunity to clear things up.
Best,
Serge Bielanko